Whew!

Holy Miracles.

It's pretty amazing - God's timing. I'm a pretty impatient person by nature. As Capt. Sig Hansen says, "I want a crab count and I want it NOW!!" I feel that way about most things - I want job security and I want it NOW...I want my students to not act like freaks, and I want them to not act like freaks NOW...I want to meet a guy who respects me and I want to meet him NOW...I want to win the lottery and I want it NOW...

But there is something to be said for patience...and God's timing. And in the past month, God has made Himself and His perfect timing oh so evident in the lives of my love ones, and thereby me....

First, Nathaniel Royce Sherbine...the baby no one thought would ever be. And yet, here he is. All 5 lbs. 15 ozs. of him, born on April 6th, joining his foster brothers, Dominic (4) and Aidan (3), and I imagine, the quietest little guy in the house.

I mean, don't you want to kiss those little lips? And don't you wonder what sort of ideas are spinning behind those beautiful eyes? It's amazing...God's timing...And here's the other one. I don't have a picture because if I try to load it, it'll throw off the whole shebang. But the story...ah, the story. My friend, Jenn, called me into her classroom to ask for my mom's contact information a little over a year ago. She wanted to bounce some ideas off of her about adoption. And after many prayers and lots of waiting... He's here - and he belongs to them for the moment...Whilden Lane Wood. All 6 lbs. 10 oz. of him (3 lbs. smaller than his big sister was) - adopted into a family that wanted him more than anything - and who was willing to wait for him. Things sort of just happened. There was a stir on Monday, action on Tuesday and Wednesday, concern on Thursday, and holy smokes, by Friday, the Wood Family of Three became the Wood Family of Four. And it took a while. But the timing was right. The timing was perfect. And I am reassured that His timing is perfect - I am reminded that He has the blueprints and knows what the final product will look like - and that as hard as it is, trusting Him means waiting for His grace and His blessing and His plan. All in His time....

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A Word About Pap Smears

I mean, seriously...

I have the utmost respect for doctors (except the one at Doctor's Care on James Island). They work hard. They generally deal with sick people and stressful situations all day. I respect nurses more, because I think that they actually do all the work, but really, I have no problem with doctors.

Except when they lack bedside manner.

Now, it's the first week of March. And during the first week of March for the past six years, I have gone to get my hoo-hah examined. This is all fine and good, a necessity. I complain about it less and less with each visit. And today I wasn't going to complain at all! I mean, I sat in the waiting room for only 5 minutes before getting my vitals taken. Another ten minutes and I was in the exam room being asked to, "take everything off as the doctor will be in shortly."

Shortly...as in...45 minutes later. Now folks, Charleston, SC has never seen cold like it has seen cold the past two weeks. So laying on a table in my altogethers with the "sheet" of paper provided to keep me covered up...for forty-five minutes? Even that is all fine and good; perhaps there was a little baby being born somewhere as I froze to death in the next room.

But when my doctor breezed in and exclaimed, "so I see you're worried about your weight...," things truly went downhill.

So, a little advice for my doctor friends.

(1) If your patient must wait in the nude for you, provide a heated bed.

(2) US healthcare benefits suck. In the five minutes you spend with me, I would like you to be concerned with me. I would rather not pay out the nose, plus the deductible, plus the co-pay to hear about your daughter's science fair project.

(3) When your patient is butt-naked and freezing cold, it's probably not the best idea to bring up her weight, and then to proceed to tell her that her methods of exercise really are not exercise at all. Even if it is the truth.

(4) It's probably not the best idea to continue to talk about how wonderful your methods of exercise are as you cram a speculum up your patient's vajayjay. A little respect. Perhaps some lavender scented candles. Soft music. A glass of wine. But don't go on and on about how you run 6 miles every evening on your fancy treadmill (that you can afford because you're a doctor) while you accost your patient.

(5) Go ahead and have that scrip for Zoloft filled out before you even walk in the door.

A passionate blog from a passionate person. And my hoo-hah is just fine.

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Bedtime Blogging

So, this blog has morphed about five times over the course of 30 minutes, namely because my computer crashed and had to reboot and restart and restore. In that time, I flipped through the notebook I've kept for close to two years and have finally decided that instead of trying to come up with anything new, I would share a few poignant (or not so poignant) things that have occurred to me as of late.
I've worked through a few Bible studies (David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His, Becoming a Women of Grace, Becoming a Woman of Prayer, Becoming a Woman of Purpose) since the summer of '07, prompting this writing.

9/16/07
Being consumed by God's grace, I cannot help but share it! Apart from his grace, I am only flesh and bones. I seek to be more...to be justified, sanctified, forgiven, free, faithful...all of which is available by grace. A humble, gracious woman. A kind heart. A quiet spirit.

Isaiah 30:18 "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!"

3/30/08
Father, how awesome to read back over the last 8 months - to consider Your constant work in me. I praise You, Lord for your action in my life. I praise You, Lord for strength and quiet. At times my heart is so heavy - my mind thinking too quickly and despite my best efforts to completely spaz out, You still me. I praise You, Jesus for the Cross. I praise You, God that You know me - that I am created as Your child. May my focus be on You, Your glory, Your sacrifice, Your power.

4/29/08
For my future husband: I pray that you would find joy in loving me, just as Christ loves the church and has given Himself for her. I pray that you are enabled to understand me, to show me honor as a co-heir of the grace of life. I pray that I respect you and submit to your authority, even as you submit yourself to His.

4/30/08
SACHAH: to bow down, to prostrate oneself as an act of respect before a superior being

5/7/08
Discerning God's Will
The biggest challenge is definitely he confusion in identifying what it is that I want for me and what it is that He wants for me. Ultimately, the two should be in tandem and that is certainly my goal. Differentiating between a door He has opened and a narrow space through which I am trying to squeeze myself can be tricky...I've learned that God's way is not necessarily the easiest, but it is the blessed. I know that He is more aware of my needs and how I can serve Him than I am.

"The cows obeyed the Creator of the cows."

I write these things because they are the thoughts that I like to share with friends who convict me. Who ask me the hard questions. I'm thankful that I have a Creator, Savior, Redeemer King who seeks intimacy with me. And I'm thankful that He has given me friends to remind me to consider Him in everything. Blessings on a new week!

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Intertwined

I love this picture. And I'm not even in it! But lots of my friends from camp are tagged and I've enjoyed reading their "conversation" about each other on facebook.
I've really been studying this picture. It seems like at Seneca, folks just tend to sort of pile on top of one another when someone grabs a camera! And there's this affection that is so evident in the photographs (not just this one, I have lots like this from the summers I worked) that you really understand that the people pictured genuinely like one another.
Intertwined.
I was having a really bad night about twenty minutes ago. My cell phone was about to be disconnected because I live paycheck to paycheck, and this month, Sprint does not get paid. I'm working my boonkie (thank you public school for that classy word) off working on our school yearbook and trying to pass my boards. I worry about my students. I feel like there's just not enough time...
And then I look at this picture. And what I realize I want...need...more than anything else, is to feel intertwined. I haven't felt that way in a really long time. To feel such a great affection from others that it just seeps through the skin and makes everything ok, if just for that moment.

Father, thank you for the constant reminder that as I seek to feel connected to others, You seek to feel connected to me. When I become overwhelmed by the things of this world, remove me from it. Seep into my skin, that I might feel the calm security that comes only from You.

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Self-Control

A follow up...
I do not look like Jennifer Garner. In fact, I don't look like anyone in Hollywood and on some mornings with my mullet, I'm not so sure that I even look like myself. Needless to say, the haircut did not turn out as planned. Despite the two photographs and the detailed description of my expectations, I walked out of Anne's Hair de Jour (can't really remember the name of the place) looking more like a character from My Name is Earl. And not any of the pretty ones.
Oh well. Hair grows. And thanks to the genes from my mother's side of the family, hair grows quickly!
I spent a really fun weekend at my parents' house and got all up in their Weight Watchers business. I am happy to report that with the combination of eating a little less and counting points and calling my parents when I don't know what I'm doing, I've lost 3 pounds in a week!
Still no beer, only a few thin mints, and (brace yourselves) even some exercise. I'm starting to believe that the friction caused by my thighs rubbing together will in fact not set me on fire, which has been a bit of a fear of mine for the last couple months!
The journey continues...

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Getting My Hair Did and Other Important Changes

Alright. It's time for a change. In my constant effort to become a better person all around, I've commenced the process of making some pretty significant adjustments in my life. I think that if I put them out there for all of two people to read, then maybe I'll stick with things. So, here it is...a bit of a confession, I guess.

1. I am no longer "living in the 'loft." My physician and nurse-friend, Shannon, are going to kill me because I decided to stop taking Zoloft without discussing the matter with a medical expert first. I've been on the good stuff for about a year and while it has helped me deal with stress tremendously, it has also led to some tremendous weight gain. I've been off for about four weeks and so far, so good. I have not killed or threatened to kill anyone. I have not kicked my dog. Why, I haven't even cried at something ridiculous.
2. I am no longer keeping beer in the house or putting myself in compromising situations in which alcohol is easily available. I tend to act like a complete idiot when I'm drinking and do not always set the greatest example for others while enjoying a cold brew, so I've really cut back. No beer in almost two weeks. Hoorah.
3. I am eating much healthier food than in the past. Even though my brother insists on setting Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and powdered doughnuts in obvious places in the kitchen, I am really making an effort not to partake. Instead, snacking on edamame and tomatoes...not so bad.

Why the changes, you may wonder? Well, the big reason is that for the first time in my life ever, I've considered my weight as "an issue." There are some mornings that I'm so bloated that I cannot see my feet. I happen to like my feet. And I've really been missing them. I weigh almost thirty pounds more than my brother. Holy smokes. And my parents, my personal heros, are participating in Weight Watchers together and are losing buckets of weight. They're pretty inspiring. So here are the hard facts. My current weight is........148.4....not exactly a Biblical number. I'm hoping to lose 20 over the next few months and to eventually be able to bend over and tie my shoes without blacking out. I should say now that I HATE exercise. Weezie and have taken up long strolls through the neighborhood, but with a dog who stops to pee on every other blade of grass, I'm not sure how productive those walks are.

A few changes more. I'm getting my hair did this weekend. Very excited. The first picture below is the color I'm going for. The second is the cut. Why Jennifer Garner, you ask? Turns out, she has the thickest head of hair in Hollywood, much like I have the thickest head of hair in the South.

So, the fun has begun. Wish me luck.

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My Eggs are in the Millvale Basket

I imagine that anyone who knows me figures that I spend anytime I'm not at school staring at my facebook page. And while this is somedays true, I thought that I might enlighten my readers on how I actually spend my free time (**I actually have no free time, but because I'm working on my boards again: procrastination, but somehow manage to find completely unproductive things to do just the same).

I really hope and pray to someday be a homeowner. And I'm trying to work it out with God that maybe I can be a homeowner in the greater Pittsburgh area, specifically, Millvale.

I do not live in Pittsburgh.

I have no job in Pittsburgh.

I have not enough money for a downpayment.

My credit is so terrible that I probably wouldn't be approved for a loan anyway.

But all of that aside, here is my house. 114 Beckert. It's a fixer-upper (thank you, HGTV).

Here's the living room, where I plan on spending most of my time redoing the fireplace. I've watched all of these grouting/mortar techniques on HGTV that are really quite inspiring.

I've even picked out the tile to remodel the fireplace. It has lots of deep reds, blues, and greens that match the frames I painted last summer with all of my old family pictures (Grandpa Sherbine sledding in Summer Hill, Pap in the shirt Grandma made him holding onto his catch of the day). Of course, the carpet looks pretty terrible. But I can live with that until I win the lottery and can put down dark hardwood floors.

Here's the kitchen. I can't really understand the layout from the photos online. I do know that the rose colored walls could never work for me, so I'm thinking some sort of metallic blue.

So, that's my new house. I'm pretty excited about it. But really, I'm more distracted by it. Now all I need is a job. And some money. And a loan approval. And the guarantee that this structure is not in the "flood zone" like all of the other structures in Millvale, the reason that there are so many cheap properties available in the first place.

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General Randomness

My typical Saturday mornings consist of a trip to the grocery store, filling up my gas tank, and cleaning up around the house. Yesterday was totally not the norm. Instead, I lay in a dark room on a heated bed while Monica rubbed all over me. There was relaxing music, a waterfall somewhere, and I was (almost) completely naked. That's right, folks, my first massage...ever. I lay there thinking up all of the things I could that would keep me from going to sleep because I didn't want to miss out on any of the excitement. Here are some of the thoughts that went through my head.

1. I really hope that this peppermint does not fall out of my mouth and get stuck to the sheets.

2. I really hope that this peppermint does not get lodged in my windpipe and that I choke to death during my first ever massage.

3. There is NO possible way that there are only 2 hands working out the kinks in my back. I'm pretty sure that there are five more people in here and I just cannot see them.

4. Monica truly has a gift. There are so many people who have jobs that are purely those of service. I am thankful that I got to spend an hour on the receiving end!

5. Monica is at Cloud 9 Spa on Maybank Highway. Go see her. You will not regret it.

On Monday, my sweet sister, Karen will spend her morning in a CAT scan machine. When I am with her, I am totally amazed that this kid who wasn't supposed to survive now radiates what it means to be alive...not in a breathing-and-has-a-pulse sense, but truly live...soaking up every once of goodness in the world and passing it along to everyone she meets. I get to spend a long weekend with her in a few weeks. I am so excited to cuddle with her and receive her kisses.
Today is the Super Bowl. I am so excited that I cannot nap. For a bit, I thought that I would be in Pittsburgh watching the game with friends. But after much thought and the knowledge that I'm making a genuine attempt to make financially responsible decisions, I am here instead. So, in an effort to entertain myself (and to convince the world that I am a total freak - as if any more convincing were required), my "friends" have joined me in Charleston for the festivities. Enjoy the pictures!

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My Mind is All Twisted Like a Pretzel...I Got a Pretzel in My Head!

One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies.

But pretty indicative of how I'm feeling right now. And since I've had trouble going to sleep for the past few nights because of my pretzelly thoughts, perhaps some blogging will help me straighten it all out. Or get it out of my system at least.

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a bubble? Only you're not alone in the bubble? Maybe your whole life is in the bubble with you: work, home, chores, colleagues, grocery stores, the gum on the bottom of your shoe. I'm stuck in a bubble with my own life.

And I'm blessed. I know that I am. And I am so thankful for what God has given me and shown me and what He teaches me.

But I am so sick of being in this bubble. Because where I feel safe, secure, steady...is not where I am.

I am LITERALLY in the exact same place I was a year ago. I am sitting in the same spot with the same laptop. Tonight, I've been working on the same Boards. I'm doing the yearbook. Same. And I am pining for a place where I am not.

A big part of me feels so selfish about all of this. Who am I to complain or doubt or not have complete faith in the One who has put me where He has put me? And I want so desperately to be elsewhere?

Father, let me view where I am not as a bubble or a rut, but as the place that You have me for such a time as this. And if it is Your will, open the doors...pop the bubble...

that I might find someplace new.

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For My NonFacebook Friends - HOLLA!!!

So, there's this thing going around facebook where you post 25 random things about yourself. I normally do not participate in such fodder, but this was fun. And it makes me sound a lot more (or less) interesting than I actually am!

1. I have only one t-shirt that I can sleep in comfortably. I have had it since high school. It's a Reebok Steelers shirt with about 10 holes in it. Any other shirt I wear gets all wrapped around me in the middle of the night and I wake up very frustrated. Not so with my Steelers tee.

2. I really like being rubbed. Not in a pervy way. I like having my feet rubbed, and my head rubbed, and my back rubbed. My mom used to trace around the features of my face to help me relax at night. I always liked that.

3. Numerous people have told me that I should have been a comedienne. I hope that it's more a reflection of my quick wit and sarcasm as opposed to any crappy teaching methods.

4. I love the word "toot." I think it's hilarious. I hate the word "fart." It's crass.

5. I occasionally still sleep with my blankie. It's not my original blankie, though because it was lost long ago (I'm pretty sure my baby-sitter stole it). My blankie was made by my mother's mother and as a result of much loving, it has holes so big that I can actually pull it over my head. Which I do every once in a while.

6. I am the youngest of 6 children. Three boys and three girls. And I am the only white girl.

7. I think that the number sequence for my birthday is the most beautiful number sequence ever...3-8-82. See? Isn't it pretty?

8. I had a dog named Stud for almost 15 years. He died in my arms almost three years ago and it was the saddest day of my life. I promised myself I'd never love another dog like I loved him. A week later, I got Weezie. She weighs 67.2 pounds and likes to sleep in my lap. I love her.

9. I love the Pittsbugh Pirates. I don't care what anyone says.

10. A little part of me wishes I had stuck with career path numero uno: midwifery.

11. I think that kids with ADD are the funniest creatures on the planet. I plan on writing down the random things I've heard in my five years of teaching. I will publish said book, make lots oooh look! A chicken...

12. I have ADD. I am not medicated.

13. The most fun I've ever had at 1:30am was when Saint Jo and I participated in a wii bowling competition.

14. I am really proud of my parents and of who they are in our family and society.

15. I have a "nonteacher teacher bag" (that's actually how we refer to it in my family) because in graduate school I was really into teacher identity and didn't want to have an LL Bean canvas teacher bag like all of the other teachers I know. I love my leather messenger nonteacher teacher bag.

16. The first thing I think of every morning is Pittsburgh.

17. Ok, technically, I think of Pittsburgh second. Because first I think about how much I hate the sound of my alarm clock.

18. One of my favorite sounds is a chorus of children's voices.

19. Kevan and I sometimes get into terrible fits of laughter when neither of us can catch our breaths. Those are good times and normally take place in church or the grocery store.

20. My first kiss was in the fifth grade. I have not been kissed for four years.

21. I have a dangerous addiction to Coca Cola. For this reason, it is no longer permitted in the refrigerator. I once drank a 12 pack of Coke in less than 24 hours.

22. When I sneeze, I wet my pants just a little bit.

23. I once sneezed 47 times in a row. Had to change my pants.

24. My first childhood memory is of my dad guiding me into Karen's hospital room right after her drowning accident. He made me tell her hello before he would buy me a Snickers bar. Incidentally, my sister is my best bud and we "talk" on the phone almost every day. I hate Snickers bars.

25. I firmly believe that whoever discovered "fleece" is a freaking genius!

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A Really Good News Week

I am an absolute news junkie. Well, I should clarify. I am a national-world news junkie. I can't stand watching or reading the local news (not sure if it's the lack of relevancy or the bitter attitudes toward public education).

But I love national-world news. And some days, it's really crappy. The fighting in Gaza. That wanker investor who lost everyone's money. The nutjob who faked his own death because he wanted to avoid prosecution. The idiot Anthony's who literally stole a little girl's life away and display zero remorse whatsoever.

I'm not sure why I watch that stuff. None of it really makes me feel good about anything. But occasionally...just every once in a while...there's a good news week. And for that reason, I am most thankful for CNN and the fact that I get to watch it on my basic cable!

This whole plane crashing into the Hudson River on Wednedsay. I was actually sitting in a bar trying to warm up with a Winter Lager when the broadcaster cut in with the news. How amazing that those folks trusted one another enough to stand out on the sides of a friggin' airplane. How amazing that the pilot stayed calm enough to land the plane in the water in the first place. How amazing that all of those ferries were in the water to get everyone off the plane. How amazing that people recall hearing prayers all over the airplane.

And then there's my man, Barack. I have thought really highly of this man since he was elected to the Senate however many years ago. I'm drawn to folks who inspire. Who say what they're thinking. Who love their families. And now that Obama is moving into the White House, I feel really hopeful. Not the hope that I find in my salvation or in my family or in my faith...but hope that means that our country is going to be ok. That we'll be able to claw ourselves out of the rut we're in.

Finally...as if I need to even include this, Sunday night at approximately 10:30 was perhaps one of the happiest moments of my life. Not because I'd just watched the Steelers beat the feathers off the Ravens, or because Polamalu got a big play, or because Big Ben threw the ball to the boys in Black and Gold more than to the other team...but because of what number 7 said when he was asked what it felt like to be going to another Superbowl, "The Lord is good." Yeah, He is! And how amazing that minutes after winning a huge game, the first thing the team captain says is such a wonderful, perfect fact! I missed the press conference Mike Tomlin gave later, but he spoke to the media about how "iron sharpens iron."

So, I'm a news junkie. And everyday, past the corrupt politicians and stock brokers, past the ignorance, the bitterness, the hate...

...There He Is...

Landing a plane in the middle of a river.
Offering guidance to world leaders.
Remaining in the forefront of a team captain's mind.

Forgive me, Lord, for the moments that I don't see You because I'm not looking. I praise You for being ever near. Ever moving. Ever loving. Ever teaching.

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A Good Night

I never thought that walking quietly down a Folly Beach residential street would gain rank as one of my favorite moments ever...but it did. It does.
A while ago I asked for prayer for friends who had discovered that they are expecting a sweet baby in April. I'm happy to share with you now that those friends are my brother, Kreg, and his wife, Angela! Their lives were pretty much flipped upside down when they found out that they would be biological parents, after having been told numerous times that they would not. Imagine their (and our) surprise when in October, they took into their care two foster kids, Dominic (4) and Aidan (2). So our Christmas this year, a holiday that is normally very quiet and somewhat ho-hum, was anything but. With two little guys who are a constant reminder of family and unconditional love.

After a late night dinner at a little diner, my dad, Kreg, Angela, Aidan, Karen and I walked back to our rental house. The sky was crystal clear. Aidan rode on Kreg's shoulders and Dad sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" softly in Karen's ear. And I'm not sure what made it so perfect, but it was.
I've thought about Dominic and Aidan constantly since dropping them off at the airport on New Year's Eve. I worry about the "what if's." What if their parents get it together and Kreg and Angela have to let them go? What if their parents don't really have it together and cause the boys pain again? Will you join me in prayer for these little guys? For Kreg and Angela? For the boys' biological parents? For other kids who are in really sticky situations?
My family has always been so important to me. I'm thankful that my parents were involved in my life as I became an adult and that as such, I consider them my best friends. I hope you had a chance to really enjoy those you love over the holidays and as we all plummet back into our routines, that we remember where we came from, Who we came from, and Who we live for!

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