What Happens at the Greek Festival Stays at the Greek Festival

First and foremost, nothing happened at the Greek Festival, save for the fact that my assistant principal bought me delicious Greek beer and told me that if he could be anywhere during the school day, it would be my classroom, being entertained by my teaching. That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me!
I had absolutely no intention of blogging tonight. I am tired. It is Monday. Those sentences are synonymous! But I've started reading the latest book club selection, Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer and quite honestly have never been so disturbed by anything I've read in my life. Since graduate school, I've become an avid reader. I consider this a blessing because it calms my mind (normally) and builds my vocabulary (somewhat). The problem with reading for me is that once I start reading a text, I am absolutely committed. Under the Banner of Heaven, from what I can tell 100 pages in, is a documentary of the Mormon faith with a focus on Mormon Fundamentalism. I don't really understand any form of Fundamentalism. I went to a college where Southern Baptist Fundamentalism was somewhat evident. It bothered me then...the appearance of being so intense about faith that there at some point is a departure from Truth. So tonight, as I set the book aside and prepared for my devotions, it became apparent to me that what I crave, what I long for, and what I seek is Truth.
All of this was running through my mind as I flipped open by Beth Moore Study, David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His (shameless plug) and and my trusty Schofield to read about how the Israelites rejected God (not Samuel) when they asked for a king; they genuinely wanted something that was not in God's plan.
Humble me, Lord, that I might accept YOUR way and not my own. That I would let You be King. Samuel always obeyed. Guide me through the doors You have opened. Let me not kick down the ones I'd like to see ajar.
"Faith sometimes means forgoing our desires because we trust Christ to have a better plan for our lives." (BM)
Truth can very easily be whatever one makes it out to be. That is the essence of faith. But faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ means that I accept that it is He who brings Truth. Not Joseph Smith. Not Oprah. Not Dr. Oz. Not spiritual leaders with their own agendas.
As I have typed this, Weezie has wet the bed. I will have a classroom full of 21 eager and dependent 8-year olds tomorrow. My coffee will begin to percolate at 6:00am. My rent check will be 5 days late because I could not find a Forever stamp. These are all truths.
But, praise the Lord, these are minuscule truths compared to His grace, Love, and Plan for all of us. May we "see that times of difficulty or decision in our lives are meant, by Your sovereign love and mercy, not to pressure us into impatience but to rather grow into patience and endurance."

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Psalm 61:2

"What do you think was your character flaw?" I had not seen my friend, Adair, in over a year and this was the first question she asked after the crowd dissipated and there were only three of us left. I'm always impressed that God takes me to "home" to hear questions like this - questions that are never easy to answer and lead to days of pondering, prayer, and reconciliation.
"I was sad," was my response. Not exactly a character flaw, but I was telling the truth; sadness was certainly the condition in which I placed myself for most of my adolescence. It was no one's fault but my own. And I'm thankful that I can take a step back and see how It is God who has completed me, Who dominates my heart, and fills me with His Spirit so that I feel like if I were to be bumped, It is He Who would pour out of me. That is my hope anyway.
But the character flaw question I'm still having a hard time with. I trusted the wrong people, for sure. I misstepped and had a quick tongue. I alienated myself from people because I was scared of what they might teach me. All the while these thoughts occur to me, a voice keeps saying, "You can't think of one not because you didn't have any - you had many - but because you are forgiven and are living anew in Me."
One of the greatest blessings of my job comes in the form of my friend, Charsie, who comes by at the same time everyday to interrupt my science lessons, during which I'm usually accidentally misinforming my students on the ways of the world. Charsie and I come from very different backgrounds and have led very contrasting lives. But each morning, when I get to school, she is the first one I speak to and praise God, our words often turn to what He is doing in our lives! We recently started the Bible study David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His. It is only Day 7 and already I feel the Lord working in me! What a blessing it is to meet with a friend daily to exchange how we are gaining intimacy with the Lord through His word.
This all brings me to a verse that I came across in my reading:

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint;

lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

That, folks, is my character flaw. A reluctance to call out; a tendency to believe that I can handle life on my own. I did it my entire adolescence...I cried out not to my Lord and Savior, who I invited into my life when I was six years old, but to people who could do nothing for me because they are not Him. I am not Him. I am not a Rock.

Recumbency. I first came across this word in a Bible study, Becoming a Woman of Grace. The word encompasses the Puritan belief that true reliance on God means to, lie down, face to the ground, on the Solid Rock. I've referred to Seneca Hills in my blog before and my last visit there coincided with an awesome spiritual event that sparked my journey down this road of really praying that God would change my heart into one like His. I walked down to the creek ("crick" if you're in western Pennsylvania) and picked up a smooth rock. I held it in my hand for the 13 hour drive back to Charleston and prayed for the first time that I would let God lead. I commited there, driving my Jeep, with a smooth rock in my hand, to lie down. To fully submit. And to let the Lord be Lord. Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

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How We Spend Sundays

Weekends are a blessed time around Yates Avenue. I used to not appreciate Saturdays and Sundays much. Instead, I would spend the entire time trying to get work done or cleaning myself into an absolute frenzy. But God has worked with me this year on slowing down – in many aspects of my life – and truly enjoying rest. Here are a few pictures from today when Kevan, Weezie, and I went to Folly Beach. Weezie had been once before to splash in the waves and she always has a blast. Please note that in my new found appreciation of the weekend, I turn into an absolute redneck for 48 hours (read: watching nascar, rodeo, camping in the backyard, etc.), hence, the camo hat. I pray that you are feeling refreshed and renewed by God’s creation as this weekend draws to a close.

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Updates...

First and foremost, Praise the Lord in Heaven - I passed the PLT! Additionally, I have received my Pennsylvania teaching certification. It's all a bit surreal..for those of you keeping track, I took TWO wrong tests before taking the right one...so this has been a while in the making!

So next comes mailing off packets and updating my online file. Thank you so much for your prayers while the job search continues.The school year is winding down and each year at this time I begin to reflect on how special my students are. Tomorrow, I will go to mass to see one receive her first communion. Having been confirmed five years ago, the experience is still pretty fresh in my mind. As an adult, I know that I processed things more logically than Abigail probably is this weekend, but I'm still excited to see her drink that "nasty wine" for the first time! On Thursday the kids and I went on a field trip. I've posted two of my favorite pics. One is of the alligator we saw in the swamp. The reflection of the girls in the front row is priceless! The other is a group shot. I love the diversity of my group this year!

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I Still Believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip, washing away my pain
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see You prepare
But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every finger tip, washing away my pain
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe
The only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers
In brokeness I can see that this was Your will for me
Help me to know You are near
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still belive in Your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe
-Jeremy Camp

Amen.

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Mar said I haven't blogged in a while...

I can't believe that it's been over a month since I've blogged. It's not like nothing has happened worthy of sharing. Indeed, the opposite is true. I finally turned in my National Board portfolio, made the trip of a lifetime over Spring Break with my mom to Pennsylvania, and came across this blog, written by a parent of one of my students:
"...my son's 2nd grade teacher is a moron...apparently, she is a teacher that feels intimidated by parental support in the school. She basically wants to micro manage 21 8-year olds. Best of luck with that."
Now, that is only an exerpt of the page-long entry. I came across it about a month ago and had the urge to puke for about 12 hours after seeing the words scroll down the screen.
God's strength is stronger than words, for sure, and He picked me right up, dusted me right off, and sent me back to work eager to be light, compassion, education, and love for the child of this parent who evidently does not care for me very much.
I first understood the power of words the day that I found out my mom had been diagnosed with leukemia. I went to the dry cleaners and the lady behind the counter was really short with me. I remember walking out to my car and thinking, "she has no idea what I've been through today. How dare she speak to me like that!" That moment was very poignant for me because immediately God revealed all of those moments that I spoke out of turn, not considering where people were coming from, where they were headed, what they had been through...and as I drove out of the parking lot, I prayed that the lady behind the counter would find peace. That her spirit would be stilled, and that she would accept the embrace of Christ.
I've had a similar reaction to being called a moron (and a host of other things as the blog goes on) and it has nothing to do with me! I started a nightly prayer last summer that God would change my heart - into what it needs to be so that I can be effective in His ministry. Some days I feel the hand of God on my heart, tugging, molding, and shaping it...pulling out the impurities and replacing them with His grace.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Father, I praise You. I praise You for creeping into my thoughts, into my heart, into my soul. Guide me in being Your light. Forgive me, Lord, for the times my thoughts get away from me. Help me as I live by your example.

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My dog hogs the bed...

So I was on my way to bed...in bed, actually...tossing and turning as I have been known to do of late. I used to be a champion sleeper. Once my head hit the pillow, I was out. Now in order to get settled, I have to have Weezie in the bed with me. She is large and takes up lots of space. But somehow her presence, her snoring, that disgusting second eyelid that shows when she's almost asleep...those things are very comforting to me.
My life has been a little stressful. A friend of mine said that I am in a place of transition, even though I'm not really moving anywhere. I thought that was a good idea. Tonight I did not want to toss and turn, so I clicked on the lamp and pulled out my Bible and the study I'm currently (slowly...not as regularly as I should be) working on, Becoming a Woman of Purpose. And before I read anything, I found myself praising God. Just for His presence. I have cried out to Him more in the past month than I can remember for a long time...I've been impatient, frustrated, exhausted, confused, desperate...and yet through it all, I feel His presence, His hand guiding me, His love calming my restless heart. I only read a little of my Bible study because I flipped open the book and immediately read something from my main man (second only to Myron Cope, r.i.p.), Oswald Chambers:
by the reaction of your life on the circumstances around you, you will fulfil God's purpose, as long as you keep in the light as God is in the light...
I don't feel like I've been light for much of anyone lately. I've been snippy with my kids, annoyed with my friends, at my wits' end with the general public. How are my reactions on the circumstances around me showing Christ's love? Are they at all? February was a long month, literally. The fact that this is a leap year was really just a kick in the pants. But the old is gone, the new has come. And I pray that I would continue to feel God's presence and that others see Him through me.
Now it is time to wake the beast...to shove over the 55 pound mongrel who snores next to me...and to rest in God.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 62:5-6

On my bed, I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night. Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:6-8

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